How to handle wife's jealousy of ex wife with kids?

me and my wife have been married for 1 year in July and we still fight about my ex. I have to keep in contact w/ my kids. they are 7,5,3, and are not able to tell me everything that is going on in there lives's l live 900 miles from them and only get them in the summer for one month. I pretty much have to kiss my exes butt to find out anything about my kids as far as school or other activities in there lives.my wife who i love very much can not stand that I was married. every time I call the kids she will ask if I talked to the ex and of what we talked about which is fine but then she will ask if im planning to get back with her or when i get my kids she thinks im going to get a kwickie from the ex. she once told me that she would not be jealous of the ex if she were ugly. to me my ex is ugly all the beauty in the world could make me want to be with her again please give me suggestion how to cope with this jealousyHow to handle wife's jealousy of ex wife with kids?
I don't want to make the judgment calls like ';oh, you married to a very insecure immature woman.'; We are all immature and insecure at times, that only makes us human. Her situation sounded tough, as a woman who is dating a single father with a very difficult ex who is still in the picture, I can relate to her. However, I totally understood what I was getting myself into BEFORE I entered into the relationship with a single dad. My boyfriend is a great man who has never given me any reason to be jealous of an ex or any women at all. I dealt with my own insecurities on my own. An ex is an ex for a reason, nobody should keep ex around. But it is NOT the case with divorced single parent who HAS TO keep an ex around for kids' sake. Quite frankly, I totally respect that. Imagine all the pains and dramas the ex put them through, they can still be able to keep a friendly relationship with the ex for their kids, that is great sacrifices, and it was very noble to say the least.


My suggestion to you is that tell your woman she's the woman in your life, and your love toward your children and your love toward her is completely different. There is no competition of any sort. If she truly loves you and respect you, she will accept the situation. Good Luck.How to handle wife's jealousy of ex wife with kids?
It all starts with God.


You both have got to get right with God.


Once you do, everything will fall into place.


All that non-sense went away as soon as we submitted to God. We love and trust each other because we put God first in our lives. You know that if you both have reverence for God, you can trust each other completely because you know for certain that your spouse is not going to sin by committing adultery.
Counseling NOW. Get her to talk about why she is jealous and insecure. Have her dump all of those feelings between the two of you. Ask her why her self esteem is threatened. Why she can't see that YOU are the one she is with.





She has to get over her possessive nature and not look at your past but YOUR PRESENT and if she can't resolve this it will jeopardize YOUR FUTURE.
Your current wife is very immature.





Your children should always come first....and she should have known this before she married you.





Also your ex-wife will be a part of your life forever.....if you're both good parents.





Maybe your current wife needs to get some counseling to help her to deal with your priority commitment.
I feel bad for you...the new wife knew before she married you that you had kids in a previous marriage. If she was going to be this way why did she marry you. You should talk to your new wife and tell her how her insecurities make you feel. Tell her that jealousy is not a very pretty trait to have.
Personally if your wife is insecure with you and her maybe you are not the one for her.


She needs to be with someone who she can completley trust, unconditionally.


She needs to get a reality check.
she has a lot of issues to work, maybe she would consider doing some counseling to work these issues out and resolve them, it is affecting you, right%26gt;
go to counseling until your knew wife has a child with you she will not feel secure. she will always hate the ex no matter what that is real.
good luck on that she should have known that when a guy has kids he has to get along with his ex
You are married to one insecure woman. That is so unhealthy for a relationship Dude. There is no way to cope with jealousy. It will continue to poison your relationship.





Some of this may be coming from the conditions through which you got with your current wife. Were you still with your first wife? Did you have an affair with wife #2 while you were still married. If that is the case, it may explain the jealousy. Wife #2 may feel that you will get wife #3 while you are still with her.





UPDATE:


Someone suggested that your current wife will feel secure when she has a child. Dude, that is so not going to happen. Do you want to bring an innocent baby into that insecure jealous atmosphere?





I have to continually wonder why women are so freaking insecure? And why do people think that exes MUST be enemies? That is so way out there. Exes are just people who didn't make it in a relationship....why can't they be friends, especially when children are involved. And for those second wives, if they can't deal with knowing the man had a wife, life and family before they came into the picture, they need ONLY marry men who were NOT married before.
omg! I feel so bad for you. Your wife has got to be young and low self-esteem. How anyone can be upset about stuff like this, in the way that she is, is just mind boggling. If you all lived closer together and your wife could meet the ex, she would probably feel better... but, it isn't that way so she needs to grow up! I sure hope that when your kids come to be with you over the summer that you wife doesn't get jealous of them too and ruin everyone's summer. I've seen it happen way too often. Don't let her do this to you....make sure that you and your wife have an understanding before your kids get here because she could seriously embaress you in front of them. The kids will need to keep in touch with their Mom while they are with you and your wife could make that a bad situation too. Please, for yours and your kids sake... set her straight before they come. I wish I could talk to your wife.. she needs someone to tell her to stop acting this way. Good luck to you!!!! (you sure have your hands full with both women!)





UPDATE: you need to make her see that she has YOU. She can love your kids...she is their step-mom! You are all family now. I just think she needs to start thinking differently and then she will be more accepting. Hey, I raised my 2 step kids, when they were finally of age their Mom died of alcohol poisoning and they thank God I was there for them when they were growing up. The years fly by, and then they are gone and all you have are the memories!....don't waste your years on silly, selfish emotions......
These are no problems (issues) that you can resolve. They belong to your wife. She is very insecure and hasn't put her past behind her and is still fighting the ';demon '; of betrayal. You state there has been No reasons that you have given her to feel this way, and your question has the work ';still';....so still is going to stay until she receives help to resolve these old hurts and move forward. I would suggest going to counseling and offer to go together in order for her to feel good about it not being a flaw and also let her need for assistance develop in the counselors office as opposed to you relating it to her. Good luck and remember everyone does Have issues, but this is destructive your marriage so it has to be addressed for either one of you to be happy.
As a single parent you have to realize that you have them when school is out - and she has to create a routine or it all falls apart - so you need to become part of that routine. You can call and make sure or help on the phone with homework. You can send school clothes, school supplies.. Think of other ways to be part of that daily routine. Find out about after school programs and get them into it. You can also make arrangments with the school so you can call and communicate with the teachers on your own.





As far as new wife - make the calls with her present so that way she cant blow things out of porportion.
Been there don that there is no nothing at all Nada not a thing in this world is going to change the way your wife feels about this , Sorry to say but why do you think there are so many dead beat dads in the world ? The main reason is it comes from the new wife or girlfriend that believes they come first above all even your own flesh and blood your kids. The next thing you know she will be complaining you didn't get her this or that instead of paying your child support . Stand up for your grounds and watch her leave . That's just the way woman think very selfishly . Not all but you sir have one of many.
First, kick yourself in the a*s for marrying such an insecure woman. There is nothing more exhausting than having to continuously try to pound into someones head that you want them and only them. It's a lot of work and will, at some point, put a damper on your marriage.


Second, tell your wife to grow up! How old is she? And I'm wondering, did she not know these children had a mother when you got together? Did she not know you have an ex-wife?


If she can't accept that you had a life before her, she should have never gotten involved with you.