How to cope with a jealous step-child?

Well, she's not my step-daughter yet. My boyfriend's five year old has been showing a lot of jealousy towards me recently. He and I have been together since May and there was never a problem with his daughter. Lately though she runs hot and cold. Her mom lives out of state and almost never calls or anything.





I am 21 weeks pregnant, and I thought maybe she's jealous of the baby, but she seems genuinely excited about the prospect of a baby sibling. So that leaves that she's jealous of me. She's been getting very rude (but just to me) and the other night as we were all snuggled up watching TV I had my head resting on my boyfriends shoulder and she climbed into his lap and looked at me then turned like she was going to watch TV and threw her head back so slammed into mine.





I don't know what to do. I love this little girl. She's a sweet kid, but lately she's been acting so strange towards me. She tries ordering me around and is as mean to me as a five year old can be. I want to fix this. Any ideas?How to cope with a jealous step-child?
I was a stepchild myself at that very age. My real mom was not in the picture at all and sadly my father figured I would one day outgrow it; which I did... at 15, after things got physical. You have to try to understand what she is feeling, its obviously simple, she's jealous... but its a bit more complicated. At this age she's feeling ';robbed';. Her dad is spending more time with you, you are getting all the attention because you are pregnant... so on, so forth. Even if this is not so, this is how she sees it. Your partner needs to get involved in this, he needs to talk to her, reassure her that he loves her and nothing and no one could ever change that, but that bad behavior towards you will not be tolerated. He needs to tell her that he also loves you and that just as he wouldn't let anyone hurt her, he wont allow her to hurt you. Simple, firm and with love. Any time she steps out of boundary correct her, you and your boyfriend need to get in sync on discipline already. Getting some one on one with dad should also help.You can also ask the peditrician about it, but get this resolved soon, the older she gets the more hell she can bring into your life, and even the excitement of the baby will wear off when THAT baby gets EVERYONES attention...


My step mom and I are now best friends, but everyone's life could have been easier had they done something earlier, trust me the older they get, the more misserable they can make you, they get creative you know? lol


Make sure you establish clear communication with your boyfriend, its what will keep your relationship. Good luckHow to cope with a jealous step-child?
Sit her down and have a chat with her, start off by telling her you love her very much and that you feel sad because she is being so rude to you. Ask her straight why she is acting the way she is. I know she's only five but I am sure this will help bring an end to this nonsense.





Best of luck.
Explain to her she will be loved just as much as her sibling and not be second best etc just because she isnt your biological child. Sit her down and talk to her. You should do this soon to avoid any issues she has later towards the child....if she head butts you she may hurt the baby for attention.
I don't think that she's jealous of you. She's just jealous of the baby on the way. My 8 year old adopted son has been acting up lately...maybe screaming for attention even though he gets a lot of it...a new sibling is something hard to deal with if you've been the only kid for a while.





Give her time. You should also talk to her..she will understand even though she is little and see what she feels. Good Luck!
she might be testing you to see if your going to leave like her mom. maybe try to spend some time with just her and do something really special and let her know that if she wants to do more things with you that you can. and when your hanging out with her tell her that your so happy she is in your life and let her know that you arnt going any where.
sounds like she's jealous of you and is trying her limits to see how far she can get... keep being sweet to her. involve her as much as possible with the preparations for the baby. take her out and make it a big event. she needs to understand that she has her little place in daddy's heart and that you're not a threat.
Give her extra attention. Show her extra love. You be the one to invite her to cuddle with you. Do girly outings together. Be like a mom or a big sister to her (without replacing her mom). She probably feels like you are trying to steal her dad away from her. Let her know the three of you will all be close together.
Be sure to have 'alone time' with her as she should have with her father. She'll gain confidence with you. She is feeling insecure. Give her lots of reinforcement that you love her and that you can't wait until you are all one family. It will mean a lot to her, even at this age. She





You and your boyfriend should marry and let you adopt her if possible.
tell her you're the adult, or get her dad to yell at her or to make her understand that you are kinda sorta her new mom and that she better get used to it.





mabe she thinks you're hogging her dad up and she wants ot spend time w/ him
Well..if a child did that to me, I think I would have to slap her in the face..or put her off of the couch. Tell her father to man up! She isn't doing it any more. Spank her.If her mother isn't around, you have a right to discipline her. So do it.
take her out - just you and her - for lunch


do things with just her so she doesnt think youre just there to take her dad away


paint each others nails, watch a movie and eat popcorn


send your bf out so its just the two of you.
I wonder if she is angry at you b/c she wants her mom %26amp; she's you as the replacement. Can you do anything so she knows you want her to see her Mom %26amp; know her Mom? I do think she is projecting that anger on to you.
Daddy needs to sit down and talk to her about this. Apparently she doesnt respect you. Maybe it is one of those childhood insecurities where she thinks that her daddy loves you more and wants to make sure that you dont take him away.
Tell your boyfriend to have a talk with her. And you should have a talk with her too, shes probably going through some tough times if her mum hardly calls and her dad has a new person to love.
Im sorta in the same situation.. I guess you could try paying more attention to her doing things she likes trying to make her feel good about you being around.... baking cookies etc... play fashion show or something lol... Just make her feel like shes really special to you.
Wow...you've been together since May and you're 21 weeks pregnant....May of THIS year? Sorry, just seems fast to me. Probably to her too. Just try and be patient her little world is really getting rocked!
uhh do something special for her. buy her toys. I know it sounds wrong but it's hard to reason with a 5 year old and you want her to like you right?
Spend some quality time alone with her,


take her out and both enjoy yourselfs,


let her know that you want her in your life aswell as her father


that should do it


xxx
make special dayz where irz just her %26amp; her dad. then like 1 day where itz the 2 of u...her %26amp; u only 1 day so u can get 2 no eachothr take her fun placz.
She may or maynot get over the fact you are replacing her real mom. That's how many kids feel but at such a young age...
find some special things that just you and her can do together..


like make cookies, or read a book, or go to the park.....
You need to have your bf sit her down and talk to her. If this doesnt work then HE needs to disapline her.
be as cooperative as possible and let them have as much to do with bump as you xx
keep your calm but remember this is a child. You shouldn't take it.
have you tried talking to her about it?
I am a step mother and its a hard road! I can say it is hard to get respect but you much set boundaries! Talk to this child let her know that she is loved and that you are there for he when she needs you, let her know that the baby will not take her place with her dad that he loves her and the baby have her dad there when you talk so she will feel that he is part of it! But let her know that you will not let her be bad to you in any way. children know when they are doing something bad! If she started being bad to you think what she could do to the baby, spend time with her let her know that you are not trying to take mothers place but you are part of the family and you are not going any place that we much all get a long! Good Luck
The kid is 5 years old for crying out loud!





Be her buddy, play barbies or whatever she likes. Do girly stuff and talk to her. You'd be surprised how smart 5 years old, they are no longer babies.





Have a family meeting, you, her and her father and get it into the open. Have her explain why she's acting the way she is. If she doesn't talk, tell her she has no choice but to tell the two of you why she's acting the way she is. Then as a family unit come to a resolution.





And as far as ordering you around, ALL kids do that at some point. She's testing the waters to see what she can and can't get away it.





The same thing is going to happen one day with the baby you're carrying now. Unless you drank some magic potion that guarantees the baby comes out perfect, you're going to face this issue in a few years. Kids are not perfect and neither are us adults.
She is young and it takes some adjustment for adults when expecting a baby, so it is natural for her to have to adjust also. She may be acting out towards you but her problem is really with the idea of having to share time.


My advise is to treat her the same as always and maybe have some one on one time to make her feel special.


Kids are resilient show her that she is loved and that just because there is a baby on the way she is still special.


Good luck.
she isn't the only girl in her daddies life anymore. the best way to deal with it, is to act like you always have. (especially if you are getting married and you will be her primary caretaker) if you react by giving her more attention-she will think that is what she needs to do to get it. get it?


be as firm as possibile when she does something nasty. uses reverse and add a little something to it.


';gosh! that really hurt-i know you didn't mean to do that! because big girls that stay up and watch movies with grown ups don't act like that!!- i forgive you, but next time please say you are sorry.'; just br constatnly firm and don't react in a drastic way.


i don't think she is jelous of the baby- she is 5, and that is a little young to understand the enormity of having a baby. she knows what a baby is, but she wouldn't be jelous of it, until it arrives. she is too young to realize right now that babies are time consuming. see what i mean? so i doubt it is the baby.


just be firm with her and don't let her walk on you. if you are too passive, she will get worse.
First off, where does her mother come into the picture? Is she in the picture? Are you two civil or is she rude to you? I am not saying this is what鈥檚 happening, but it鈥檚 always possible, could her bio mom be badmouthing you?





Now what does your boyfriend do when she acts this way towards you? Does he speak up? Because right now, it sounds like you and your boyfriend are fairly new. May wasn鈥檛 super long ago. And it sounds like your stepdaughter isn鈥檛 sure what to make of all this. Like where she stands with YOU in the picture. The new baby is exciting to her, my stepdaughter was thrilled to have a sibling. But it sounds as if she鈥檚 just in a competition with you over sharing her Daddy, and of course, at 5 yrs old, that鈥檚 understandable.





Do you and the stepdaughter ever do things on your own? Like go for a walk or paint or let her do your hair and nails? Sometimes one on one bonding is the best way to approach this. Other times, it won鈥檛 matter what you do because you鈥檙e always going to be wrong as far as your stepdaughter sees it.





There were times when my stepdaughter was about 3 yrs old and she鈥檇 ONLY let her and Daddy go in her room to watch a movie. My husband went along with her at first and I called him out into the room. I told him that it hurt my feelings a LOT to be singled out that way. And that it鈥檚 basically telling my stepdaughter that it鈥檚 okay for her to treat people that way. And notice I said PEOPLE and not just ME. Singling someone out isn鈥檛 a nice thing to do. So we told my stepdaughter, together, that if we couldn鈥檛 all watch the movie together in the family room, then nobody would watch the movie at all. Sure, she pouted for a few minutes, but she got over it. And the message was loud and clear.





It鈥檚 going to be a huge adjustment period. It takes time. I鈥檓 thankful I鈥檝e never had BIG issues with my stepdaughter. I鈥檝e been in her life since she was a baby and we鈥檙e very close. She鈥檚 5 yrs old now and while she鈥檚 a very very sweet little girl that I adore, it鈥檚 always a challenge with something. And that鈥檚 the age, not because she鈥檚 a stepkid!





Hang in there. This will get better with time!