How do I cope with my precarious gay relationship?

I (30) live with my best friend (40) whom I am in love with . He has a boyfriend (48) who no longer lives with us. They have an open relationship that has allowed me to get close to my best friend in a romantic and sexual way. This has been going on for a few years.





Looking at the big picture of my relationship and roles we (my best friend, his boyfriend, and myself) all play; I am the actual unofficial boyfriend. When I say this, I am judging by the about of time I spend with my best friend, his dependency on me, what he expects of me, the way share finances, and the quality of time we spend together.





The twist in the “unofficial boyfriend” relationship is that sex is non reciprocal (he won't approach me or give me certain things – things that he might give to a trick). He won't initiate a hug or a kiss like he might his boy friend.





My best friend and I frequently sleep next to each other (even when his bf is staying at the house in another room).





I feel emotions of jealousy and anger which I don't feel I have a right to... I would love to find my own boy friend (which I never had before), but my heart is tied to my best friend and everyone else seems lame in comparison.





There is no sign of separation for my best friend and his boyfriend. I'm here pounding my head on the wall, pining for my best friend's love. Everyone I have been able to talk to about this suggests that I move out, and live alone... Easier said than done... there is much at stake emotionally.





I suppose, it's just fear that keeps me here, and the anxiety of separation that eats me up.How do I cope with my precarious gay relationship?
ok, so you realize that you are emotionally unstable which I think you may need to seek some help. Second is the answer you don't like. You have to separate from the whole relationship. It is hurting you and trust me, it will not get better.





You either cope and understand that you will never have a guy for yourself or start your life somewhere away from this relationship. Emotions will heal and you have to do this ASAP.How do I cope with my precarious gay relationship?
This is the embodiment of dysfunction.





What started out probably innocently (to use the term loosely) now has you caught in a very sticky web.





You have only two choices: 1) Accept the current reality and deal with the unreturned emotions or 2) Cut your losses and leave. The pain of loss will be intense, but there is no third alternative.





In a way, you've become addicted to this guy. And by addiction I mean you are engaging in behavior which is destructive, you know it's destructive, but you can't tear yourself away. Seriously, tear yourself away.





And for the sake of your own self-esteem, never be the sperm dump again.
If it's starting to bother you, you have to leave him alone. The truth is, he may never leave his boyfriend. But if he does, I know you'll be very happy. You should try to explore the possibility of a romance with another man. If you can't get over your best friend(romantically) then you have two choices.





1. Keep sleeping with him and accept your position as the ';unofficial boyfriend'; while the ';official boyfriend'; continues to secure the main spot.





2. Find a love of your own and don't be any more than just friends.





He may surprise you and dump his ';official boyfriend'; for you, but don't count on it. I don't mean to offend you; I'm just being honest.





Answer mine: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
Your last sentence sums it all up. You are torturing yourself by allowing all of this to happen. You really need to end all of this. Starting with not sleeping in the same bed as this guy and definitely ending any physical contact. If you say he does not initiate any of it then you need to stop it too. If he gets everything without putting forth an effort, then why would he do anything different or put forth any extra effort. He has it all...two guys who want him and provide for all of his needs.


You are not respecting yourself at all. I was moving in a direction like this with my best friend many years ago and did not realize it. I never did anything sexual with him, but I paid for a lot of things adn tried to make holidays like his birthday really special. None of it was really worth it in the end. Once I realized what I had been doing, I was done with him. I am sooooo much better off for it, and you will be too.


The other thing you have to look at is that he is not respecting you at all. You probably don't see this because you are in love. However, the fact of the matter is that he is NOT in love with you and he is just using you for what you give to him.


Stop all of this now, move out of this house adn find yourself a new start and find yourself a true boyfriend. You will go through some pain, but you will be better off for it and you will actually be happy.
move out and get your own place if you can financially for sure, yes there is much at stake emotionally if you stay in this situation, and if your love interest really cares for you he will seek you out!
Tell your unofficial boyfriend that you love him, like you just put in this. Tell him you feel for him.





See what happens





Love ya!





Andre
Stop all homosexual behavior. It is morally wrong. You can and should do it. You will be happier.