How can I cope with the feeling toward my stepchild?

I met a guy a little less than a year ago and we hit it off great, we both knew from the beginning what each others situations were, I have a child from a previous relationship, and he is still in the process of divorcing, and has a child as well. His child is slightly older than mine and lives with his mother. My boyfriend gets him every other weekend, did i mention that we do live together now? I would love to say I love my stepson to death, but it's not fully true, he has way of getting under my skin like no other child ever has and I can't really figure out why. He is a hyper child and it has been mentioned that he may have A.D.D., but I don't think that's the real issue I'm having. Me and his mother have just recently met and she confessed to me that she doesn't discipline him and there will be trouble if I do. I will respect her on that aspect because that is her wishes and I don't want trouble between her and my boyfriend. The other issue I'm having with my stepson I guess would be jealousy, and it's coming from both of us. He acts like he can't stand me being around his daddy, and I don't so much know if I'm jealous of him or the fact that in my mind he's tieing my boyfriend to his ex. I really need some help on this, because I know it's causing a type of resentment between me and my stepson and I don't want that. What should I do about these feelings? My boyfriend recently proposed to me and I accepted, I would really like to get this issue solved before we get married(which won't be for another year or so). If anyone has any suggestions they would be most appreiciated.How can I cope with the feeling toward my stepchild?
That's BS your house...your rules! Your boyfriend's child, not yet your stepson until you marry, should realize that rules will be different in different households. However, that being said it is up to your boyfriend to let him know what these rules are, and what the consequences of breaking them will be. In addition, as far as his ex goes, that's a whole separate issue. Let your boyfriend deal with the fall out of the discipline under your roof with his ex. If she does not like it, then it's just too damn bad for her. A long as you and your boyfriend agree that his child requires discipline, then it should not matter what anyone else thinks. Your boyfriends son will be your stepson, and the foundation needs to be laid down early on. He may not like it right now what you have a say, and what goes on under your roof, or in his life, but eventually he will be a better behaved child, hence a better man inthe future b/c of love and discipline and within a household that acknowledges the need for both. His mother clearly lets him do whatever and does not see the needs he has as possibly suffering from ADD. He requires more love, attention, and discipline, not less. Tell your soon-to -be husband that he needs to stand by you with how your household runs. As far as feeling what you described to be jealousy...it's normal on both your behalf and on his....take some day trips... just you, his son, and your boyfriend without your child (if he/she does not live with you) if your child lives with you make arrangements for a grandparent or trusted friend to take your son or daughter for the day so that you can spend some quality time bonding with him, so he can learn to trust you. Make it fun for him like and amusement park, skating rink, arcade, etc. just for him in his honor, it will help alleviate alot of what you both are feeling. Then after bonding with him alone re-introduce your child back into those family outings. I hope this helps! Step families are never easy, but with a lot of love and understanding they can also be happy and prosperous for all parties concerned.How can I cope with the feeling toward my stepchild?
Your boyfriend is going to have to deal with his behavior with you. Step families are hard enough. I use to dread the every other weekend because it was so disrupting for my kids. Then we ended up with custody and my husband tried to spoil him and punish my kids. This isn't going to be easy adn my heart goes out to you. Try to find a step family workshop or class. They help.
Well, I think you should treat the child fairly, but his daddy should be doing the discipline.
u should tell ur boyfriend about this problem. i'm sure he will understand.
first off, let's make one thing clear. you are NOT this boys step mother.





second, you have no business disciplining him at all, that is the job for his dad.





third, you had better get over what ever problems you have with this kid BEFORE the wedding or it will be a short marriage for sure!!! let's face it, he is a child you are not. but, you seem to act and think just as childish as the boy does!!!
you should realize that big changes can be very hard to cope with at a young age.you always have that special bind with your mother and when it seems like thats going away becuase someone it seemingly replacing them it can be hard. you always see your parents together forever. the divorce is hard enough on him but then a new woman? it can be tough on the child.you should let them have and hour or two at the park with the boy ( and the ex and your boyfriend), because if they have a slow break instead of a clean one it might go easier. then he might not feel so muxch that you are replacing is mom but spending time with him and he may understand it better as he gets older.if you just aren't cool with that( undderstandable) then try to treat him like your child (minus punishment). like taking him to the park and getting ice cream... . you should also check with the ex first because she may not be okay with it. also by bringing her more into the childs life she may be more okay with you establishing stuff with him( like discipline). i really hope this helps
There is a special place in heaven for women who treat other peoples children as their own. Try to open your heart to this boy. He is a child, after all. You dont say how old he is.





Keep trying. Know that this will never interfere with your relationship with his father - unless you make it. And I seriously mean that.
This is either very simple or rather complicated, but either way it's going to take counseling to work it out. You owe it to everyone involved to be able to accept this child. I would not think of getting married till this relationship is explored, as it will magnify itself once you marry.





That said, I think it'd be really hard to tolerate any child who is not taught rules and boundaries, and not disciplined ( ADD or not). His mother is doing this child no favor, as society is structured around rules and mutual respect. Does his dad go along with the ';no discipline'; mandate?





Of course, I don't mean physical discipline, but rather rules and repercussions for disobeying rules. However, it will take counseling to work this out.





Good luck to you all.