Justified or jealous of pregnant friend?

can anyone help? my best friend of10 yrs has told me she's pregnant and im overwhelmed with mixed feelings, happy, sad, angry, confused all of which i think may just be jealousy. she has been with with man for 21/2yrs and always said she never wanted kids, and in the last yrs she has changed so much she is now having a baby. i have wanted kids for yrs and my man and i togther on%26amp;off for 8 yrs split last yr, and all my hopes/plans for hvaing kids out the window. in the time since my split she only asked me once how i felt or was, and its like i've built up anger cos of it. iwant to support her but at th same time i dont know if i can cope. over the yrs in someways she been a good friend and yet in my times of real need she's rarely supported me or noticed even. i hate feeling this way, but how do i deal with her? i dont want to upet her but ive also had enough of felling like its a one way friendship when its convinent for her, and now theres a baby on the way, what do i do? help pleaseJustified or jealous of pregnant friend?
I understand where you are coming from. I dont think it is jealously, but def. envy. My bf and I have been together for 4 years and though I am young, I am ready to get married and start a family with him. I am the oldest child, and my little sister got pregnant with her daughter with her ';best friend'; and so that was def. tough. Three of my best friends have children and two of them are engaged. When I first hear about their situations, I get very sad/angry because I want everything they have. However, my bf is there for me and he tells me no matter what I think they have that I dont, they will never have ';our relationship'; and that is something a lot harder to come across then pregnancy etc. Just be strong and count your blessings. I know it is hard, but you can do it :) Best of luck...Justified or jealous of pregnant friend?
Hmm, from all that you have said it seems that you and your friend have very different parenting idea's (yours more desirable than hers) You may find that the dynamics of your friendship changes once shes had the baby anyway. Its possible that like some women she will seek out other parents and side-step her friends without children. (im not suggesting all women do this but ive known a few myself) Your ideals seem so much more sound than hers and I entirely understand your concerns. Im not sure what to suggest regarding supporting her as it seems to me that you may possibly begin feeling more and more uneasy being her mate once the baby is here since you dont agree with some of her standards. It may be one of those friendships that ends. Its sad but new friendships do come along and maybe one that isnt so one sided for you. Goodluck
I can absolutely see how you must be feeling awful right now. It's hard to suffer a huge loss and then try to be happy for someone who's gaining what you've always wanted.


But ... You do have a very big something to be thankful for! You did not have a child with someone who wasn't right for you. You have a chance to move on and eventually find the right person to start a family with. It may be hard to see now, but you have a chance for far greater happiness than you ever would have had with your on/off man. ... If your hopes and plans flew out the window, it's because they needed to escape that situation -- and you will find them anxiously waiting for you somewhere down the road.


As for your friend, if you love her and think she's worth the effort, be the best friend you can be to her right now. She might just take a cue from you.


And, in the meantime, take care of you! Get out, meet some new people, find a new hobby ... have fun!
I had many one time relationship


I always get out of them because they don't work for me


you should do the same get out of this relationship


yes you might be jealous but it ok to feel that way


but you should also count your blessing because your relationship with the man you were with was not stable and to have a child you must be in a stable relationship not an on and off one


so look at the fact that you never get pregnant as a blessing


so you will have a baby when the time is right God will take care of it


Good luck %26amp; take care
its only natural that you feel this way but baby or not if you feel its a one sided friendship-dont give it up just slowly distance yourself from it
It sounds like you could have some envy. Maybe it's time to step back from the friendship. May need to take a break. I will say my friend is 6 months, my hubby and I have been trying but I'm not jealous or envious over her. I am totally happy for her. Thing here is my friend needs all the support she can get from her family and friends because the father of the baby wants nothing to do with the baby. I will say in the past I've been jealous of a few friends but I got over it and was so happy for them and their children. You do what you have to do even if it's to walk away from this friendship of 10 years.
I can understand why you are so confused. I am sorry that you want a child of your own so badly and don't have one, when there are so many women who don't want to get pregnant and do, or don't take care of themselves when they are pregnant. Try maybe explaining to her about what you feel, the reasons you feel she let you down in the past, and that you are jealous of her pregnancy. But at the same time, you can't stay friends with her if it is only benefitting her, and you feel drained by it. Friendship is a two way street, and she should recognize that. I am glad you stated you are checking into counselling, it sounds like you have been having a rough patch lately, and it helps to have someone to listen without being involved directly in the situation. Good Luck, hon, and don't beat yourself up for feeling upset.
having been in your friends shoes i can safely say i have been very hurt by friends jealousies when i was pregnant. and i was pretty disgusted too. maybe your friendship has run it's course it sounds like she is not putting in the same effort as you are. or maybe she doesnt know how to ask you what's wrong - that doesnt come naturally to everyone.





i think it's time to take a step back and weigh up the relationship, both as it is now and how it will become if you have kids. sometimes friendships do run their course and we make other friends.
Some people mean well but just can't cope with other peoples trouble, maybe your friend is one of those people.


Just try to be happy for her now she's having a baby, there's no use in being sour about it, you'll just feel bad yourself.


Your luck will change as well some day!
Yeah, you're jealous. Get over it. Realize that she's sentenced herself to a lifetime of servitude to child that's probably only going to resent her and disrespect her until she's thirty.
Wow that must be hard, she's basically always cared about herself and not you and now it looks like once again shes the centre of attention and you must focus all your energy on her, its hard having a friendship like that, I have a bestie (best friend) too and she never really takes the time to ask me about my life or seem concerned about my problems, it's always her her her and it's annoying, however I've known her for so long and it's sort of ';just how she is'; I've known her long enouh to know that perhaps thats just how she is and she doesnt even realize that she steals my thunder all the time or can be a little self involved, although it hurts and its annoying perhaps she cannot help the way she is and doesnt realize how it hurts you. I know my friend is similar but if she was pregnant right now I'd still show her as much support as posible and be the perfect ';aunt'; to her unborn baby, just think, even though it may seem your not ';lucky'; to have her, shes very lucky to have you, who else would stand by them this long! Best wishes to a lifelong friendship, just like mine.
I have a friend that is just like that. She only appears when she really needs me, in the end she just stresses me out everytime I think I about her. The difference is I'm the one having the kid, although my man left me, she has a man. I would say deal with her as she comes. I think that eventually she will realize that you and her haven't talked in a while and she will call or something and ask how you are and how you are doing. I think your feelings are a little bit justified and maybe a little bit jealous. You have every right to be jealous, she has the life that you want...I know the feeling. Try and work through it though. I have learned that true friends are always there no matter what and one day you will look up and see them surrounding you and supporting you. What I am doing is taking time away from her, I have told her how I felt about everything and that I think she needs to think about what is really important to her and to call me then and only then. Also that if I answer the phone and she start complaining about someone or something in her life that I was going to hang up on her. Try that...let her know how you feel tell her you are happy for her about the baby but that you think she needs to think about the way she treats you and give examples then say that you aren't going to call and what not for a while and see what happens. Good luck!
I totally understand you Im not in the same situation but I had a baby that passed away march 3 06 and of course I was really depressed. Well a few weeks later I found out that my husbands aunt was pregnant! We all used to hang out back then. She told me she concieved a couple days after my baby passed away, and oh my God I felt like my world was going to end, I think I had an anxiety attack when I got the news. Well after that everyone in the family was just talking about that baby and how excited they were for her. This just built up anger inside of me towards my in laws and that baby. When that baby was born I didnt really care, yes I was jealous, angry, and I hated the world. I still dont like my husbands aunt in law or that baby. I know its not the babys fault but Im jealous. I think its normal for you to feel the way you are feeling. I have been trying to go to counseling for this but it doesnt help me. But you can try going to counseling and talking about it and see what that can do for you. I wouldnt tell your friend how you really feel because then she will probably end up mad at you. You should avoid your friend as much as possible, this is for your own good, that way you wont be building up more anger. That is what I did I avoid that lady and her baby as much as I can just so that it wont ruin my day.
It sounds like you may feel left out. Shes moving on and your stuck. Shes having a kid and you really want one. Try to be there for her. I know what your saying about how she doesnt ask how you are I have a friend like that who all they want to talk about is themselves. Whats going on in there lifes when they really dont have any lifes. Just stay away for a little bit from her if you get around her and she gets to you. You may just blow up on her without meaning to.
Well sweetheart.....PRAY! I hope that you can learn to forgive her because this is going to be one of the most amazing times in her life, one of the hardest yet rewarding times in her life as well! As much as it seems that she may not have been there for you; I hope that you can find peace and forgivness to be there for her! Maybe this will bring the two of you closer together! Sometimes we don't understand why certain things happen to people for whatever times in their life and there may be nothing you can do about the past or what the two of you have been through together but there IS something you can do about the future! FORGIVE and get on with life! Try to make this a joyous time for both of you!





I wish you the best of luck and pray that reconciliation will come natural for the two of you!
i know its rough, and if it is too hard to be around her you have to do what is best for you, i have a friend that had a miscarriage while we were both pregnant, she couldn't be around me until about a year later when she was pregnant. and another friend of mine wants a child so bad she can't be around anyone pregnant. i have been ttc for 2 years, whenever someone close to me is pregnant it stings at first, i am a little upset, then i get over it, and live through them, buying them baby stuff .... do whatever you feel is best for you. there is nothing wrong with your feelings.
We all have different friends for different reasons. Is there someone else you can lean on right now? I think you should be very supportive of her right now and throughout her pregnancy. When the time is right, which may not be for a while, express to her how you feel. But talk to someone else who knows you well first (ie. another friend) who knows you well so that you can get a better understanding of 1)yourself (and how others take you) and 2) The situation (it may not be as bad as it seems. Your feelings are valid and whatever you do , do ignore them, just make sure you handle them in a way that ultimately brings you peace and harmony with those you love.