Friday, August 20, 2010

What do you do when it seems like your OWN family is against you?

Life is difficult as it is but how do you cope when your own family (Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, In-Laws) are against you. Why are some family members so envious, negative, back-stabbing, liars, gossipers, etc. What do you with envious (family/friends), when you are really just trying so hard to strive and have a decent life and they get mad and possibly angry at your achievements? Why do it seems like sometimes no one wants to see you excel or they're afraid you'll out do them? I am NOT materialistic and I do not see life as ';out doing'; people and I am not a fan of competition with others but if I work hard, then I deserve it and my families and friends should be happy for my husband and myself? Why do people do this us? I am tired of it. I am thinking about keeping my distance and cutting people off because people keep to much jealousy in their hearts.What do you do when it seems like your OWN family is against you?
If you look candidly at your own behavior, and your husband's, and are sure there's no rubbing of noses in your great life (i.e., ';Look at this dress! I paid $500 for it. The designer is wonderful - for an extra $500, he comes to your house to do the fitting, and he had it ready just in time for our fabulous trip to the Riviera. This is a picture of me with the Prince. Did you see our new car? It has hummingbird-leather interior and set us back a cool $80,000, but we deserve it!';), then there can be many reasons:





%26gt; you've accomplished a lot, which means they could probably do more than they ask of themselves. They're not ready to change/ask more/do more, so they get irritated when reminded that they could, if they would;





%26gt; they're afraid that you will outgrow them;





%26gt; they had something else in mind they wanted you to do, usually for them, instead;





%26gt; other, myseterious, ';you'll never really know'; reason.





None of which means you should have done/continue to do whatever it is, so long as it's honorable and you're living an honest life, treating others with respect. You can't change what anyone else thinks/feels/says/does, but you do have options:





%26gt; Ignore it - remind yourself that everyone has things to figure out in life, some more than others, and hope they eventually grow up a bit;





%26gt; Minimize contact - leave the door open to future relationships in case some of them do grow/evolve/figure things out, but don't subject yourself to more than you can handle comfortably;





%26gt; Say something - understanding that all you control is whether or not you speak up, not whether or not you are heard/listened to, when snide comments come your way, you say, calmly, ';We're very happy with our lives - I just wish you could be happy for us.'; No telling what response you'll get, from ';I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was being so harsh'; to ';you think you're all that, but your're not.'; This approach only works if it's more important to you that you made your views known than that you were listened to;





%26gt; Get out, meet new people, build new relationships, and be too busy to get to the family gatherings, knowing that you will probably be ';topic A'; at the family doings, but too busy with people who like you to care what anyone else thinks.





Any of these is a valid response (or some combination thereof), but you have to decide what you want, and what you are likely to get, and go that way.





So long as you are living a respectable, honorable life and treating others with respect, you have nothing to answer for and should figure out which course is most likely to lead to more happiness for yourself and your husband. Good luck!What do you do when it seems like your OWN family is against you?
i agree with jerri, i also am going thru th exact same thing all you can do is pray for them, if that doesn't work you may need to start cutting people off, i'm to that point already and have cut all of them off,it hurts real bad,but you just get to that point where you can't take it anymore,and you need to think about what's really important to you,which should prob be to make agood life for yourself.
Honey I am going through the same thing with my children. Just pray for them and keep your head up. Don't let anyone stand in your way of reaching what you want to reach in life.
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