How to help my husband cope up from his guilt feelings towards his 2kids from his previous wife?

I am married to a divorce man we're together for more than 2years.The first 1year we we're so happy and seems like we have the whole world.Until slowly I've noticed the sadness of my husband.I always asked him whenever I felt something wrong in him.Sometimes he cried missing so much of his 2kids ages 8 and 6 and the guilt feeling that he failed as a father to them %26amp; it became worst when his ex-wife live with another man.He always think he should be there not this man for his kids.Though we have the kids every 2nd week of the month or sometimes 10days whenever their's a vacation for them,but still not enough. It hurts me so much to see him suffering and to hold back our plan of having a baby. He said he is not yet ready and he doesn't want to hurt his kids or put jealousy on them for having a new sibling.I didn't say anything coz I don't want to add on his emotional stress.I want to help him not to feel that guilt feeling %26amp; to move on with our plan to have a baby.How to help my husband cope up from his guilt feelings towards his 2kids from his previous wife?
It has taken me almost 12 minutes to figure out your problem and perhaps give you a clear picture of your relationship. This is what I see here. Your husband may have either walked away or abondoned his kids in the middle of nowhere without knowing what was to befell on them. Even if he went through divorce, the instinct feelings of bloodkindship draws him closer to his kids and he feel guilt that he is not there with them and have a happy family. His ex come along, whom he sees as a new changed person. She is not angry, mad but perhaps she too may be regretting as to why her family fell apart. With the same feelings your man turns and tell you that he don't want to have kids with you. Perhaps he has known you weakness in reference to his ex and he see his ex to be much better than you. He don't tell you these as he keeps them to himself even if you ask he would not come clean about his feeling towards you. Given a chance, him and his ex may consider to reconcile and remarry again leaving you hurt and rejected despite all the effort you have done to make things work out for both of you. Going to marriage counselling is senseless as nothing major can change because those guy the will give you their opinions. Infacts different opinion with different counselors. So here your man is rebuilding his lost love toward his ex-wife for the sake of his children while neglecting you although you are kept thinking that things are okey. Its not going to take long before they discuss what they can do to reconcile, solve there past problem and remarry for the sake of the his kids. Give days to spend with the kids is not a big issue, the issue is to see them in a daily basis and the only way is to make things work out with his ex. On the other hand, he rethink of his past mistakes that may have caused a separation among them and regrets alot and he perhaps is set to repent. So love towars you is slowly going through the windows if the door is locked.How to help my husband cope up from his guilt feelings towards his 2kids from his previous wife?
Been there.





Why not have a kid, they can have a step brother or sister. he needs to move on and be the best father he can be, but, at the same time he is creating a new family that still includes the 6 and 8 year old.





its hard, but, he can get through it.
That is a tough situation! Is he on good terms with his ex-wife? If so, maybe he could get the custody rules changed and be able to spend more time with his kids.





I am sure in today's masculine society, he feels like a failure as a father even though it's not true.





Unfortunately, as far as you and him wanting to start a family... you just have to wait until he is ready. But once he starts dealing with his feelings about his kids (in therapy maybe) than he will be ready to move on with you.





You have a choice also. You can decide how long you are willing to support your husband without a child. If you decide to stick it out as long as it takes, that is a decision you have made so you can't blame him. If you reach a point that you feel like he will never be ready, than you have to decide is having a child worth leaving him over.





We all have needs and while I agree with trying to help out your spouse as much as you can, I also support you empowering yourself to make decisions that are in your best interests as well. Especially if lots of time has passed and he is not making progress.
Perhaps he should go back to court and ask for more time with his kids. That could help fill some of the hole in his heart for them.





But as for having another kid, he's right. It will create jealously with his children and will make them feel less. He already has two children, he doesn't need another one, his focus needs to be on his kids. If you can't handle that then move on, but he is right on in not wanting to have another child. Will only create problems between him and his kids.
If he's miserable about his kids, you should support him in spending more time with them. It sounds like he needs to understand that divorce doesn't make him a failure or a bad father. I've met divorced men that are more plugged into their kids than fathers that continue to live with their kids full time. Is there a way for him to get shared custody or have the kids more? He probably feels very alone on this issue. There must be books out there to guide him through these feelings. See if you can get him interested in reading a book about it or talking to a therapist. It sounds like he's grieving the loss of his marriage/family which I'm sure must take time. Just continue to be there for him and support him.
Every 2nd weekend isn't enough (obviously!). Counseling isn't going to bring his kids around more - a new custody arrangement will. Encourage and support him seeing a family lawyer and having the custody arrangement appealed. Even if you have to move to be closer, that's a small inconvenience in exchange for your husband's happiness. Sounds like you got one of the good ones.
It sounds like he need counseling to help him grieve over the loss of his children. I realize his kids are still around but he is mourning the life he thought he would have with them. My daughter is going through the same thing you are going through. Her husband of 2 years also lost his 2 children (6 %26amp; 7). His wife took them to another country and his hands are tied so he may NEVER see them again. He's getting counseling.


Your husband sounds like a stand-up guy. It sounds like he's a loving, involved parent. Encourage him to push for more time with his kids. Good luck.