Friday, August 20, 2010

Polygamy. How to deal with my co-wife?

I am my husbands second wife. I am slowly getting over the idea that I will never be his one and only. We are Muslim and polygamy is legal in Islam, he can have up to 4 wives. I have in my marriage contract he is not allowed to marry anyone else. But his first wife is still around. She is in another country and I have never met her. She and I have talked on the phone, but only breifly. We are trying to learn how to communicate, because I only speak a little Arabic and she only speaks a little English. She is coming next month. How do I cope with this? I have had my husband to myself for 2 years and she has been away from him for 5 years. I am not worried about the language barriar as much as I am about jealousy and how we can be friends? I am 20 and very jealous. I didn't know anything about her until after I had known my husband (just as friends still) for 1 year.I fell in love, so I decided to marry him, but this is still a problem to me.Anyone want to offer anything nonjudgemental?Polygamy. How to deal with my co-wife?
You are not worth anything to him. a true man does not have more then one wife. I am not being judgmental just honest. If you live in any country other then the Islamic country your marriage is not worth anything.

You married this man knowing he had another wife.. what did you expect.. you need to figure out what you want and follow thruPolygamy. How to deal with my co-wife?
Wow, this is really tough. Its so sad that you will never be his one and only, you deserve to be. Are you sure that you want to remain in this kind of marriage? Maybe polygamy isn't for you after all? and 20 is very young. Its tough if you feel that you love him though. Once you meet this other lady you might get along just fine, and I am sure that she is just as nervous and as jealous as you are. Its understandable to be, you are only human after all.
at your age it is common for you to feel this way. just be friendly and please your husband
You are clearly uncomfortable with your current situation,maybe it's time you rethink your choices. By the way, if you live in the USA polygamy is ILLEGAL even if you are Muslim.
obviously your heart is not a polygamist
I';m not an expert .But I'd say try to have an open mind .I can say I have never seen anyone that didnt have enough love in their heart that there wasn't enough to go around without running out .I,d suggest you look at her as a best friend or a sister and that your husband loves you both %26gt; i know a guy can be in love with 2 women at once because it happened to me when I broke up from a girl after a relationship of a few years but remained friends with and decided we would both see other people then met another girl and started seeing .Only in my situation it was hard to decide what to do being in love with both of them and differant things about each of them .It wasn't something I planned or expected just happened . I would say try to look at it as united as three only having half the problems to solve and twice the time to enjoy things you like and two heads are better than one and three heads are better than two .If you still have problems contact somone from the mormans church of latter day saints for advice .They have alot of experience in that area .
you knew about wife number 1 before you became wife # 2. You are just gonna have to try and get along with her. What is your husband expecting of you while wife 1 is with you??
wow that sucks. back in bible times, men married multiple wives. the first wife was the head of the other wives, kinda like queen, the other wives were servants to the first and had to cater to her every whim. i dont know how it is for musllims and how they do this. it may be different for them. in many cases the most favored wife was the queen of the wives. i would have a hard time with my husband sleeping with another woman, wife or not. to tell the truth i would like to hear how you handle this. and how it affected you. i have never known anyone going through this. i hope it all works out andthat your husband favors you best. i dont know how to tell you to handle this because i would be fighting with her the first day. good luck.

As I know brief knowledge of Islam, As a muslim we should belive in ';Taqdeer'; nobody can't change except God %26amp; Dua. Turn yourself towards God and make dua for yourself, he will solve your present and future problems.

Take care
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    Munazzah Jabeen Saqib said...
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    Munazzah Jabeen Saqib said...

    Assalaam O aliekum , You posted this in 2010.. and you were 20 at that time.. s you're approximately the same age as mine and also in a similar situation as mine.. you're a Muslim I'm aswell.. you know what I would suggest you?? I know it's the hardest thing you can deal with but believe me.. my co-wife and my in-laws donot have a clue of my existence.. my dear sister... you were mature enough to take this decision... and yes!! no one can deny that this surely is LOVE from your side ! and even your husband coz he married you.. what I would suggest you is to listen to your heart.. jealousy is in the nature of women.. and when it's about polygamous marriages.. aaahhh!! it surely exists... cannot type each n every experience of mine.. but what I do to make myself feel good is..myt sound crazy but I try to help him out with stuff that's even related to the co wife.. like, giving him time to talk to her.. going with him to get gifts for her... YEAH it hurts so bad that it kills..but If anything bad happens to us or our relation(me n my hubby) I would be satisfied that I tried my best... after all..we are here to make Allah happy and to earn jannah..and this is JIHAD !! :) this life is a test.. and temporary...
    very small to hate... !!
    so love..don't hate.. jealousy is natural..but hatred is in your control..!
    second stupid thing that it may sound is to make dua for the co wife.. and the third is to have a child... a child of the person you love.. it would help you.. that child would be only your's and his... many more things.. but all I would say is..never never never leave the person you loved so bad that you decided to get married to him knwing the negative parts.. !!! Allah would help us!! and make us strong ! InshaALlah !

    Angela Holt said...

    What you need is a man on the side. When your husband is with the other wife, then you be with your other man; its only fair.

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