How to cope with my jealousy, depression, and feelings for my best friend, Am gay.?

I've been in love with my best friend for over 3 years now and by now I would had hope that these feelings would of weakened but it seems that time only gives em more power and emotions that am finding hard to deal with. My bud's name lets call him Dan knows that am gay and he has been cool with it but doesn't really bring the subject up since everytime we do I cry, no one else knows am gay except for him, He is awesome, beautiful and seems like the the perfect person but he is straight and goes out with girls.


So my issue is that I get so upset whenever I see him with any girl that it gets me so mad at him, though i try not to show it the feelings stay inside of me and they accumulate and on random days they just burst out and i end up fighting with him for stuff that is not important but i use as a excuse to get the feelings off, anyways it doesnt stop there whenever he spends time with another person who is a guy I get even more jealous like you would not believe it burns me inside with anger and am worried, I can't look at him at times whenever he spends more time with someone else and I know its selfish but I can't control it and it hurts me so much because I care so much for him and i don't want to ruin our friends ship





But here I think that is important to add that he is not the typical normal person and sometimes he throws off the gay signals that just messes my head and makes me believe that I actually have a chance. For example he does stuff that no other of my friends would dare to do, like hugs me everyday, grabs my hands, leans his head over my shoulder to rest on daily basis, takes my hand and puts it on his face, bites me on arm and even once on the neck, listens to questionable music etc.


All these stuff just makes me believe that there might be a little hope.





Sorry for the long post but I got all this stuff on me that I need to get them out and I need help since I can't turn to anyone, I think that am obssessing over him..... I am thinking about telling him but I don't know how he would take that, am sure he wont stop talking to me but might make it weird when we staying at each others house.





Am 18 btw, and also I might add that this is getting to a serious level since I have been trouble sleeping, concentrating and depressing when he is not around, I dont want to be with anyone else, I don't care about my other friend they are just dull and I don't know how to have fun without Dan, nothing seems worth doing when he is not around.How to cope with my jealousy, depression, and feelings for my best friend, Am gay.?
I am in love with my straight friend. He is the only person i have told that i am bi. I have the whole trouble sleeping, concentrating and depressing when he is not around problems to the extreme, but for about almost a year now, not as long as you.





Imagine what it would be like to say that and ask for a hug and he says ';no thx';. Worst feeling... EVER.





Note: this site is being updated or something so u might not get many answers, i had to try three times to post this... thank god i copied it beforehand, im paranoid of losing things when i type so much lol.





';like hugs me everyday, grabs my hands, leans his head over my shoulder to rest on daily basis, takes my hand and puts it on his face, bites me on arm and even once on the neck';





If he did that to me i would be so happy... even if i still knew i never had a chance. You should be very happy that you get to be around him so often.





I think you should find out for sure if you have a chance with him. You need to know for sure i think. Maybe ask him again ';you are straight right? I just need to be sure.'; You might want to say that he has given you mixed symbols, but he might stop it, and i dont think you want that. You don't want to ruin a chance for a relationship with him though as im sure you know.





Since he probably is straight and is friendly-loving towards you (maybe he likes the attention from you?) just try to be normal around him. Ignore your feelings, even though that sounds mean.





Just do not make him uncomfortable, though it seems like he is very comfortable anyway... that's just from my awkward experience.





Be happy with what you've got. I would change positions with you in a second... though i know it is still very, very hard for you. You arent alone... im falling behind in school, can NEVER stop thinking about him etc. It is so hard.





Good Luck. Savor those hugs, for me.

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